Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
