hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
