I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
