Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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