you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
