We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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