I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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