YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
