she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
