So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize