I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
