Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
