so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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