Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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