Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
