I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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