Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
