I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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