Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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