my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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