Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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