i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
