He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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