I wish I could punch you in the face.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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