Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Shame - the story of my life.
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