My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
