I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
