Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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