best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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