ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My bed smells like the plague
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
