Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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