He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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