you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
