Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
