well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize