On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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