Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
