the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
