Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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