I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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