I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I can't turn off my feet"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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