he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
