hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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