We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
