i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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