just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
