Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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