mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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