This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
