I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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