Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
porn star boner night. come get it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
