it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize