he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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