This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
