Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
