It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
