you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
how does that bad decision feel?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
