as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
