i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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