Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
