if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Your mouth is God's brothel.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So much rum. So many feels.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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