If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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