Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
