What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
